I now live with a woman and I’ve learned a few things.
Hey all, happy Monday.
So as you may know, a couple of months ago I bought a house with my woman. Now this means we have to live together. I know right! Women are so unreasonable aren’t they?
I was a real knob when we first moved in together. I had ideas above my station see. But I’ve learned. My dad gave me a few quick lessons. A few rules and pointers. He told me not to tell anyone. They’re ancient Maloney secrets. So obviously I thought I’d throw up a blog.
Rule one; Always admit it when you’re wrong. And admit it quick.
Kevin told me this. It was the thing he told me when I first brought a girl home, but he told me again when I moved in with Emma. Always admit when you’re wrong. Now first you need to realise when you’re wrong. I’m far too bright, and way too good at arguing, so I just seem to convince myself that I’m right, all the time. But how can that be possible? When she’s right? I must be wrong! Must be. Well I learned the hard way how to spot when I’m wrong. It’s when my mouth opens. But I know this now, so I can admit it, and this defuses most situations.
But on the off chance you are right and she is wrong…
Rule Two; never, and I mean never, point out when she is wrong.
Ok. So imagine this. You’re shouting and screaming at each other. The neighbours think someone’s going to die. You’re anticipating some amazing makeup adult relations, and you know that she’s wrong. I mean you KNOW that she is wrong. And then she realises it. You know she’s wrong, she knows she’s wrong, and she knows that you know that she’s wrong. Everybody knows. My first instinct was to point out, that she knew she was wrong, watch her face go all red, and listen to the sweet silence that would inevitably follow. But that would never happen. Sure, it’d be sweet for an hour, maybe two, but id overplay it. And she’d get angry that couldn’t drop it. She’d get very angry. And then it’d be my fault all over again. No. Don’t point out that she’s wrong. Instead, apologise for arguing with her, and hey presto. Argument over, and Emma totally owes me.
Rule Three (and this is probably the most important one, or so my father says); what she wants, she gets.
This is actually a bit of a sore spot with me and the monster. We argue about the keys. Let me set the scene. She wanted her parents to have a key, I didn’t. The sister bought a house a couple of years ago, the parents got a key, and now they let themselves in all the time willy-nilly. I’m worried it’ll happen here. So we discussed it, and we argued, and we discussed it some more, and eventually, after several days of back and forth, we agreed. They wouldn’t get a key. Simple yes? No! No it is not simple! I run off to work, I get back and boom. Key given. Now this one is kind of my fault. There was precedent. There have been many times over our time together that we have disagreed, then agreed, and then she’s done what she wanted anyway, and I let it roll over me. Easy life right?
WRONG!
My father’s advice is rubbish!
IGNORE ALL THE RULES! You be the master of your own house! Fight the power… if she lets you.
Ok, I’m going to press post now. I’m also going to hope that Emma never reads this, because if she does… I’m going to be in trouble…
Until next time, if there is a next time
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